I couldn't let you do it again
by drsweetsgirl
Summary: Mozzie/Neal- A different twist to the pilot's ending. references to non con/child abuse. Nothing graaphic. One-shot. Hints of Mozzie/Neal slash-again nothing graphic.


White Collar Redo of Pilot

I do not own characters or anything relating to White Collar.

Slash Neal/Mozzie

References to NonCon- Nothing Graphic

~eizzom~n~laen~~eizzom~n~laen~~eizzom~n~laen~~eizzom~n~laen~~eizzom~n~laen~

Neal walked into the mansion that could now be considered his home. He shut the door behind him, closed his eyes, and sighed deeply. Feeling the weight of his anklet, he sighed again, softer but more desperately. Before he could allow his melancholy mood to fully overwhelm, a noise arose in the room adjacent. Grabbing a fire poker, Neal held it high and entered the room. Realizing who the visitor was at the last second, he smiled lightly and put his make-shift weapon down. "Mozzie?"

"In the flesh." The man replied bemusedly, standing from where he was seated.

"Mozzie." Neal thrust himself bodily into Mozzie's arms and hugged him tightly.

Moz recovered from his surprise quickly and wrapped his arms around Neal as well. "I missed you too, Neal." Pulling away gently, he noticed red bloodshot eyes. "You've been crying. What's wrong? What happened?"

Neal wiped at his eyes quickly. "It's nothing. Just something Peter said."

"The fed? What'd he say?" Moz asked angrily.

"Nothing. " Neal glanced at Mozzie's determined expression and knew his friend would not accept that answer. "He said, well he implied that Kate fled the country in an effort to get away as far from me as possible." As an outraged look filled Mozzie's face, he quickly tried to placate his friend. "Peter didn't mean it. I'm just stupid and upset and overreacting. I'm sure he didn't mean it the way it sounded. Besides, Kate probably did leave to get away from me. I can't blame her."

"You really believe that." It should have been a question, but Mozzie knew Neal and knew that's what was running through his mind, causing tears to gently fall from his magnificent eyes.

"I don't know." Neal sighed. "Can we change the subject. I missed you. Can we start over?"

"Sure. We could hug again." Without waiting for a response, Mozzie enveloped Neil in a tight hug and was surprised when Neal jerked away unintentionally. He pulled back quickly. "What's wrong?"

Neal looked suddenly terrified and refused to meet his only true friend's eyes. "N-Nothing."

"You love my hugs. Tell me what's wrong. You haven't pulled away like that in years, not since we first met. Not since..." Suddenly he floundered for words and Moz 's tone became urgent. "Not since...Neal? Tell ,e! What's wrong. Tell me now!"

"I-I can't."

"Yes. Yes you can. It's me. You can tell me anything. You know that."

"I can't. I won't. I told Kate. Well, sort of. Now she left, she's halfway around the world doing whatever she's doing. I can't lose you too. Please. Please, I don't want you to leave too."

Carefully Mozzie approached Neal and hugged him gently. Instead of flinching, whatever composure Neal had, left him and he sobbed hard in his companion's arms. "I am not going anywhere. You know that. No matter what you do or say, you will never be rid of me. Never Neal." He pulled Neal's face up and looked him directly in the eyes. "Never."

Ten agonizing minutes later, at least it was agony for Mozzie to hear Neal so broken, Neal pulled himself together and led Mozzie upstairs. When they were seated with identical glasses of Merlot, Mozzie inquired further, knowing he would have to push for answers. "What happened?"

"Please, Mozzie. I can't."

Mozzie winced at the desperate quality that filled Neal's voice. "I'm sorry. I have to know what happened. Please Neal. I won't make you, but I really want you to tell me. Let me help you."

Downing three glasses of wine in quick succession, Neal responded in a quiet detached voice. "The same as before. Obviously not my father, since you killed him."

"Son of a bitch!" Moz yelled, slamming his fist on the table. Neal jumped. "Sorry. Who was it? When? What happened to the protection I arranged for you? Why didn't you tell me? Did you tell anyone? Are you hurt now? Should I get Dr. Black?"

"I told Kate I was hurt. She looked at me like I was disgusting. She said Adios and then she was just gone. I knew she wasn't coming back, so I broke out of prison. She wasn't at the loft. She was gone and I just froze. I didn't even run Moz. All I could think about was getting to you, but what if I told you and you left too. I'd be all alone. I-I can't be alone. I just sat there, staring at that bottle of wine we used to refill all the time until Peter came. Then, I knew I was going back and they would hurt me again. So, I asked for a meeting and I made the deal and I got away from them and they can't hurt me anymore. Right Moz? They can't. Right?" His eyes glazed over with fear and his words were frantic as he pleaded. "Right!"

"Right!" Moz said firmly. He held Neal's fidgeting hands still. "You're safe now. I will not let anyone hurt you." Neal nodded. He had known the truth all along, but hearing Moz reassure him helped. He closed his eyes and attempted to control his shaking body. "Did you tell anyone else? Does the fed know?"

Neal shook his head.

"You should tell him. He could do something."

Neal opened his eyes and shook his head more vigorously. "No."

Moz sighed. "Okay. Now, who was it?"

"You mean, who were they."

"What?"

"It was more than one, but it doesn't matter. I'm not telling you. It's over. It doesn't matter."

"It does matter." Mozzie yelled angrily. "Who hurt you?"

Just having calmed his shaking body, Neal began to shake again. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath for what seemed like the hundredth time, whispering. "Please don't yell at me, Mozzie."

"God. I'm sorry." Mozzie said disgusted with himself. He took Neal's hands again. "I'm sorry."

"No. I'm sorry. I'm freaking out and I have been pretending I'm fine all day because I have to be fine. Just- I can't tell you their names. I was an idiot to tell you anything before. Last time I told you- I can't have you go to jail for me, because of me-because I'm too weak-Because of something so stupid. It's done. There is nothing you can do to change what happened. Can we just- Will you stay tonight? Can we just go to bed? Just sleep? Please?" His shaking subsided as he begged Mozzie. Putting on his most charming mask, he added smoothly, "I sleep better with you Moz."

Moz sighed. "Stop trying to con me. I'll stay. You know I will, but I am not dropping this. I want to know why the protection I arranged didn't work. I want to know who hurt you, but the truth is I want to go back in time and stop you from going to jail in the first place. But, we can discuss all this tomorrow. Come on."

Moz pulled Neal towards the bedroom. "You already know your way around." Neal smiled "Thanks Moz."

With Neal by his side, Neal slept through the night. When he woke up, it was to a pair of eyes two inches from his face. "Mozzie!" Neal grumbled as he turned over. "Why are you starring at me? I was sleeping."

"You're so beautiful. I was watching you sleep." Moz answered honestly.

Neal opened one eye and raised his eyebrow. "Well, that's not creepy at all."

"When have I ever cared about social norms?"

Neal smiled and snuggled closer. "I love that about you. You don't care about what people think."

"Hmmm. I care about what you think."

"I know." A peaceful silence followed as they enjoyed the view from the bedroom window. "You know," Neal paused and looked at Mozzie curiously. "I thought you were going to be all over me last night. Me being in prison for so long and what not."

"I will admit I was very interested in being able to touch and hold you after so long apart. That was part of the reason I was here when you arrived yesterday, but-"

Tears formed in Neal's eyes as he averted his eyes and he blurted out. "But now you know how disgusting and dirty I am and you don't want me anymore."

"No! No Neail! You aren't disgusting or dirty and I still want you desperately. Howev-"

Neal was no longer listening, his insecurities blocking out Mozzie's voice. Quietly he asked. "Is it that I'm fat and ugly?"

"No." Mozzie sighed, having dealt with this type of issue with Neal before. He grabbed Neal's face gently and forced him to look into his eyes. Once he caught his gaze he assured. "You are beautiful. I love you. Nothing can change that. Okay?"

Neal closed his eyes and leaning into the touch. Sounding way too young, he replied. "'Kay."

"I didn't want to have sex last night because you looked exhausted and I wanted you to sleep. I think we should talk about what happened first. I want you to be ready and feel safe. We aren't rushing this again. I felt terrible last time, like I was raping you all over again. That I rushed you. You weren't ready. I practically forced y-"

"No!" Neal shouted. "I rushed it. I wanted to feel wanted. I told you over and over, that wasn't your fault. I wasn't ready. I should never have acted like I was. I should have just told you I wasn't ready, but I was scared you wouldn't want me anymore. I thought I could fake it. I never meant to freak out or melt down like that or make you feel that way. Moz, God! You are always so gentle and patient and you should never have felt like that. I'm sorry. And-And I'll probably do it again because I am already thinking about ways I can convince you to fuck me. To convince you I'm fine with everything, but I'm not. I'm so not."

"I won't let you rush this again. I promise, I won't rush anything with you."

There was a lot left to discuss, but neither one knew where to go from where they were. It was best to save these things for later, when alcohol would make the conversation easier for both of them. Knowing this, they did the only thing that felt right. As the early morning light filled the room, they looked deeply into one another's eyes and they kissed


End file.
